What football looks like in the Marvel universe. The Atlantean king, a man blessed with superhuman strength, the ability to breath under water, and fly at will, can manage nothing more than a shoulder tackle? War Machine gets bitch-slapped next, only this time Minion takes the time to convert his arm into a crazy T blade just before doing it. In response, the Human Torch sets Minion on fire, whereupon Luke Cage steps up to put the big lug in an arm lock. What the fuck is the Invisible Woman going to do to someone that just bitch slapped a third of the super team into the stratosphere?
Hot chili! Holy fucking shit! Being as this is a comic book, Sue is kind enough to provide us with the exposition necessary understand what the fuck she just did. I have no love for the Fantastic Four, but I think Sue Storm just got some brownie points in my book. Despite this, Minion is pretty much as far from defeat as one can get. Anyway, this marks the turning point of the battle.
Remember how I said Minion had the ability to assimilate abilities by killing people? Well, he can also kind of do the same thing with whatever you hit him with. Team Kill! Oh yeah, Pwn Count: 2. Followed by using his powers to cause the Human Torch to self-pwn by turning his own flame against him…. Man package conveniently blocked by flames. Pwn Count: 3.
That's what you get for putting eye holes in your billion dollar power armor, asshole. Pwn Count: 4. Pwn Count: 6. Pwn Count: 7? Pwn Count: 8. Okay, well maybe not ALL of it is "tech-heavy. Despite this, he keeps his wits about him and proceeds to taunt Minion, accusing him of corner-trapping and such. Minion responds to this in pretty much the most childish and idiotic way possible.
You see? His powers are a manifestation of focus and will, so if he is caught completely off-guard, his powers do nothing to soften the blow. Uatu plays us out, asking us to decide which reality had the more beneficial result.
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